Artistic License
by Danielle Elenauial
Summary: HARRY x RON SLASH Ron is angry at a certain author. HumorFluff


"It's a load of rubbish, that's what it is." Ron said angrily, stomping around the room.

Harry didn't even bother to look up from the Daily Prophet. "Mhm," he muttered in agreement, turning to the Wizarding Sports page.

"I can't believe she did that, Harry. It's ridiculous," the redhead was now gesturing wildly as he paced.

"Puddlemere United won," Harry replied, nonchalantly. This rant had been going on for a quarter of an hour now and he had long since lost interest.

Ron stopped, and glared at Harry with his hands on his hips, a gesture oddly reminiscent of his mother. "Are you even listening to me?"

Lowering a corner of the paper to look Ron in the eyes, Harry answered, "Yes, Ron, I'm listening. You said it's ridiculous. I heard."

Ron huffed. "You don't think it's ridiculous too, Harry? Doesn't it _bother _you?"

With a noncommittal shrug, Harry set the Daily Prophet down on his lap. "No, not really, why should it?"

"You must be joking, Harry," Ron was positively fuming at this point. "Do I really have to explain what she did?" When Harry didn't answer immediately, Ron continued, "All right, I will. I'll start from the very beginning and maybe then you'll get it."

Harry fought back a chuckle, as he folded the paper up and set it aside. "All right."

Gesticulating violently, Ron started, "So it all starts out with this woman wanting to interview you. She's a Muggle, but there are wizards way back in her family. She's heard of the famous Harry Potter. Everyone has."

Harry rolled his eyes, but Ron was unrelenting. 

"She wants to write a book about you. That's nothing new. Everyone in the wizarding world has written a book about you. But her idea is _different. _She wants to write the story of your life as if it's a fictional story and sell it to Muggle children. And you agree to tell her _everything._"

"I was curious to see what she would write," Harry offered.

With a glare, Ron persisted, "And as she publishes these books about you, she gets _really _famous. And _really _wealthy. Oh, but you already agreed with her that she didn't have to share _any _of the profits. And now she's richer than the Queen of England. She's a _billionaire. _Merlin knows what that translates to in galleons!"

"Around 200 million," Harry responded casually. Ron pursed his lips. "I looked it up one time," Harry responded with a shrug.

"That's not even the WORST of it though," Ron seethed. "She tells us that she's going to need to make some _changes_ to the story, to make it more 'appropriate' for children." Ron gave an ugly grimace.

"It did annoy me at first," Harry admitted.

But Ron was so busy on his soapbox that he hardly noticed Harry's addition. "So she writes this _horrid _epilogue to the story where you end up marrying _my little sister_ and I end up _marrying _and _having children _with Hermione," Ron's face was contorted with disgust. "Can you imagine? Me and Hermione? And you and Ginny!" He smirked at this point. "You and Ginny having children and naming one of them-" Ron let out a rather angry chuckle. "Albus Severus?"

Harry couldn't help but grin at this point. "That was pretty absurd."

Ron smiled back, but he wasn't quite finished. "So at first I'm angry, but then I get over it. I guess it's not proper in Muggle society to have the hero of a story turn out to be a poof. She made _everyone _a heterosexual in that stupid story. She even made up some woman named Nymphadora for Remus to marry to cover up the fact that he was actually shagging your godfather six ways to Sunday."

"Ron, please," Harry said with a pained expression. "I try not to think about it too much."

Ron rolled his eyes. "They're attractive blokes, and it's not like either of them is _actually _related to you."

"Close enough!" Harry exclaimed.

"Whatever you say, Harry," Ron smirked. "But my point is, I wasn't angry, because she made every queer straight in her story. BUT THEN…!" Ron's eyeballs bulged.

Harry couldn't help but snicker. "But then…"

"BUT THEN she comes out and tells people the truth about Dumbledore and Grindelwald! She ADMITS that Dumbledore is gay! OH NO, the rest of us have to be straight and written into fake relationships and have made-up children, but DUMBLEDORE gets to be gay!" Ron scowled.

Amused, Harry wrinkled his nose, "Well, that'd be pretty hard for her to find a way to cover up. Dumbledore is gayer than Hagrid's pink umbrella."

Ron continued to sulk, "That's not funny, Harry."

Harry shrugged. "We weren't that obvious. She didn't have to change that much of the story to make either of us seem heterosexual. I _did _like Cho for a long time. You _did _date Lavender."

Still pouting, Ron quipped, "But it wasn't Hermione that Lavender grew jealous of. It wasn't Ginny you kissed after that Quidditch game."

"No, it wasn't. But I can see how someone who had never met me could believe that ending, could believe that the story ended that way." Ron glared at him, but Harry continued. "Anyone who _really _knows us though, would be able to see right through that. Would know that it was never Ginny I loved."

Ron's expression softened at this point and he resignedly sat himself down on the sofa next to Harry.

"It's always been you I've loved, Ron. You know it. I know it. All our friends and family know it. Why do you care if a bunch of Muggle children who think I'm a fictional character know it or not?"

With a blush, Ron admitted defeated. "You're right, Harry. I'm being stupid."

Harry knew better than to tell Ron he agreed, so he just leaned over and kissed his lover gently. "It's you I've been with all along. You, Ron, that I've been with for…" Harry paused. "Ten…or is it eleven years now?"

Ron furrowed his brow in concentration for a minute. "I think…eleven?" Then he let out a laugh. "I have no idea. I'm not a girl. I don't keep track of these things. We should ask Hermione. She'll know."

"Isn't that odd?" Harry laughed. "I'm sure Hermione knows how long we've been together but neither of us do."

"The exact number of years isn't important," Ron shrugged. "What's important," he continued with a feral grin, "Is all the naughty things I'm going to do to you that Ms. Rowling would never write about in her stupid books."

"Is that so? Like wh-"

The sentence wasn't even all the way out of Harry's mouth before Ron pounced and that was the end of the discussion.


End file.
